


It's Not Enough

by Synnerxx



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Blood, Fluff, Homophobia, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Out of Character, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-12
Updated: 2010-01-01
Packaged: 2018-07-12 03:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7082716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can Jay fix things before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Not Enough

Jay was kissing his collar bone, teeth nipping at it lightly as they stood under the warm spray in the shower.

“So, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you these last couple of days?” Jay asked, bringing his head and resting his forehead against Spinner's.

“What?” Spinner panted, eyes flicking open.

“You've been very off, like distant. What's up?” Jay asked, curiosity filling his voice.

“Nothing. Everything's fine.” Spinner kissed Jay lightly.

“You know you can't lie to me, Spin. Didn't think you were stupid enough to try either.” Jay's voice was hard.

“Well, this is a very awkward place to have this conversation, okay?” Spinner said, rinsing the last of the soap bubbles from his body.

“Let's get out then.” Jay snapped, harsher than he meant.

They stepped out into the warm steam that had gathered in the bathroom. Jay handed Spinner a towel and grabbed one for himself. They dried off briskly and walked into the bedroom, slipping on boxers and sweat pants.

Spinner sneaked up behind Jay, arms wrapping around his waist, soft kisses pressed on his neck.

“You know, as nice as that is, you're not distracting me from the fact that we need to talk.” Jay twisted out of Spinner's grip.

Spinner pouted cutely at him. “But I told you, nothing is wrong.”

“And I believe that about as much as I believe Alex telling me she's turned straight again and wants me back.” Jay snorted.

Spinner frowned and sat on the bed, studying the floor.

“Well?” Jay took a seat next to him.

“It's stupid and I don't want to talk about it.” Spinner mumbled.

“Why not?” Jay pressed, not bothering to hide the concern in his voice.

“Because I don't want to fight right now, and if we discuss this, that's what it's going to lead to.” Spinner glanced up at Jay.

“Will you just tell me? I'm not going to be mad, I promise.” Jay took Spinner's hand in his own, stroking the knuckles softly.

“You really want to know?” Spinner asked, jerking his hand away.

“Yeah.” Jay frowned in confusion at the change in Spinner's demeanor.

“A few days ago, I heard you talking with Alex in front of The Dot. She asked you if you loved me. You answered her with 'I love fucking him, that's all.'” Spinner blinked away the tears in his eyes.

Jay sighed, recalling that day very well. He hadn't known that Spinner had overheard the conversation. Damage control time. “Spinner, what I said wasn't true. I just....I don't even know why I said it.”

“Whatever. Do you know how hard it is to even deal with being in a relationship with you and what people say about us? Someone asked me yesterday how it felt to be with a guy who didn't even love me. Do you know what it's like to have people you don't really know ask you that? To have them think that you don't love me? But I guess they were right. You don't love me. You love fucking me.” Spinner stood up, heading for the door.

Jay grabbed his arm, pulling him back down onto the bed. “Spin, I do love you. More than I've ever loved anyone else. Even Alex. What I told her was bullshit. Just something to make her go away. I don't like people thinking they have the right to know what goes on in this relationship. As for the people that doubt my love, ignore them. They don't know shit. You know better than that.” Jay stroked his cheek softly.

“But sometimes I don't feel like you really love me. Sometimes I don't know how you feel or why you're with me.” Spinner admitted, looking away from Jay's piercing gaze.

“Spinner, I love you. How many times do you want me to say it?” Jay asked, getting fed up with this conversation.

“Words are words, man. You could say it until you're blue in the face and I would still have my doubts.” Spinner said, getting annoyed himself with Jay's lack of understanding,

“So tell me what you want me to do? You want to break up? Is that it?” Jay asked, standing up.

“I don't know. I just....Maybe we should. Maybe we're not right for each other after all.” Spinner sighed, pain lacing his words.

“Seriously? That's it? You're done?” Jay sputtered in disbelief.

“It's not enough to say it, Jay. You've got to mean it and I don't think you do. Not anymore.” Spinner said, eyes glistening with unshed tears. 

Jay stared at him, shock and anger clear in his eyes. “I cannot believe you just said that to me.”

“Jay, I'm sorry, really, but I'm not going to ruin what's left of us in this relationship. I love you and I always will, but I'm done.” Spinner stood again, kissing Jay's cheek lightly as he walked to the door.

Jay's hand slipped into his pocket, fingers brushing over the velvet box he had planned to give Spinner that night. Now he was ruining everything.

“Spin, wait.” Jay took the box out of his pocket, kneeling down on the floor on one knee.

Spinner turned toward him. “Jay, what are you doing?”

“Spinner, will you marry me?” Jay opened the box, revealing the ring hidden inside. It was a simple silver band with a delicate engraving of roses around it.

Spinner took a step forward. “Jay, when I said I was leaving, I didn't mean propose to me to make me stay.”

“Let me explain. What you heard me say to Alex was only a part of the actual conversation. I really love you. What I said to her was what you overheard, but then I told her that, yes, I love you. The first part was just sarcasm. I didn't mean it. And you said you still love me, so will you marry me?” Jay asked again.

“Really? You love me that much?” Spinner stood directly in front of him.

“Yes. More than anything. Now it's your turn to say yes.” Jay held up the ring.

“Yes. I love you.” Spinner said softly.

Jay stood up, slipping the ring onto Spinner's left ring finger and kissing him gently.

“I think I need to prove my love a little more, don't you?” Jay asked as he led Spinner to the bed and laid him down. 

“I think you do.” Spinner leaned up to kiss him again.

Sometimes it is enough to say you're sorry. Sometimes it is enough to say “I care”.


	2. From This Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinner wears his ring to school and gets mixed reactions.

****

From this moment, life has begun  
From this moment, you are the one  
Right beside you is where I belong  
From this moment on  
“From This Moment” --Shania Twain and Bryan White

Spinner woke up to the blaring alarm clock and Jay's growl of annoyance. A moment later the alarm stopped. Jay had slammed his hand down on the top of the hapless object. He rolled over to face his boyfriend, no fiance, and smiled at him.

“Why are you so happy this morning?” Jay asked without opening his eyes.

“'Cause you're my fiancee now. Not just my boyfriend.” Spinner leaned forward and kissed him slowly and sweetly.

Jay rolled them both over so he was flat on his back, Spinner laying on top of him. They continued kissing teasingly, Jay sliding his hands up and down Spinner's sides.

Spinner gave him one last kiss, before pulling away and getting off the bed. “Come on, we've got to get ready for school or we'll be late.”

“Can't we just stay in bed and celebrate?” Jay smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“No, you goof, let's go.” Spinner grinned, disappearing into their bathroom.

Jay sighed and heaved himself up off the bed, following Spinner into the shower. “We should at least take a shower together to save time.”

“Duh.” Spinner said, already in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, they were dressed and ready to go. Jay parked in his usual spot and turned off the car. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Spinner glanced up at him from his ring.

“Are you going to wear that all day on your finger?” Jay asked, a frown passing over his face briefly.

“Yeah, why wouldn't I? I'm not ashamed, if that's what you're thinking.” Spinner leaned over the console and kissed Jay lightly.

“No, I just don't want people giving you shit about it.” Jay said, looking worried.

“I can take care of myself, you know. It'll be fine, trust me.” Spinner unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the Civic, tugging his backpack after him.

Jay sighed and followed suit, hand clutching Spinner's as they headed up the steps to Degrassi.

It wasn't like they kept their relationship a secret. Far from it. Everyone knew that they were dating and had been for a while. No one had seen it coming, but most were fine with it, and those that weren't were swiftly dealt with.

Spinner was unloading the contents of his backpack into his locker when Marco came up beside him. “Finally unattached yourself from Jay?” He teased.

Spinner glanced over at him. “Shut up.”

Marco caught sight of the ring on Spinner's left hand. “Is that what I think it is?”

“What?” Spinner slammed his locker shut and faced his friend.

“On your hand. An engagement ring?” Marco gestured.

“Yeah. Jay gave it to me last night.” Spinner couldn't help the goofy smile that spread over his features.

“That's awesome! Congrats, man.” Marco hugged Spinner, clapping him on the back.

“Thanks. It was such a surprise too.” Spinner blushed lightly.

“Okay details in Science.” Marco smiled at his happy friend.

Spinner nodded, promising to fill his friend in later. The bell to first period rang and Spinner hurried to class.

**~*~**

Jay got there after Spinner did, Sean and Towerz following behind him. Spinner gave Jay a quick smile before returning to the conversation with Emma and Manny about the ring. Jay listened with half an ear as Sean took the seat on his left and Towerz sat behind him.

“That's so fantastic! When's the wedding going to be?” Manny asked, excitement clear in her eyes.

“He just proposed last night. We haven't even discussed that yet.” Spinner rolled his eyes. Girls, always so concerned with weddings and the like.

“Well, you can't just put it off. You don't want to be one of those couples that stay engaged for, like, years at a time.” Emma pointed out.

“Yeah, well, later maybe we'll talk about it.” Spinner said as the teacher walked in.

The morning sped by fairly quickly, all of their friends offering their congratulations to Spinner and slapping Jay on the back and wishing them all the best.

They sat at their usual lunch table with Ellie, Sean, and Towerz when Paige and Alex walked over.

“So is it true, Spin?” Paige demanded, reaching out to grab his hand. She gasped at the sight of the ring.

“That's so amazing! Congratulations, hun!” Paige pulled him into a hug.

“So what did it take for him to say yes?” Alex asked mockingly to Jay.

“Let's just say it was one of the better moments in my life.” Jay smirked at her.

Even after they had broken up, Jay and Alex remained friends, bickering with each other every chance they got, but friends nonetheless.

Alex wrapped an arm around Paige's waist just as she asked Spinner what style of dress he was going to wear.

“Excuse me, I'm so not wearing a dress.” Spinner shook his head.

“Why not? I think you would look good in a dress.” Ellie snickered, earning a glare from Spinner and a kiss from Sean.

“No way.” Spinner pouted at Jay, silently asking him to change the subject.

Instead Jay's eyes gleamed mischievously. “Come on, Spinster, don't you want to wear a long white gown and be my beautiful, blushing bride?”

The table broke out into wolf-whistles and laughter. Spinner blushed and settled for glaring at Jay. “Not even for you.”

**~*~**

The rest of the day went by quickly and Spinner was heading out to the parking lot when two guys stepped in front of him. “Can I help you?” Spinner arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, we don't like fags around here.” The guy with the hat said, shoving Spinner slightly.

“Just who the hell are you two?” Spinner snapped at them.

“Just two guys that don't want your kind around.” The other guy said, shoving Spinner again, this time harder.

**~*~**

Jay had been waiting by his car for Spinner, talking about the ring with Towerz and Sean, both had gone with him to buy it.

“So you fight with him, then apologize by proposing?” Sean snorted.

“Real smooth there, man.” Towerz chuckled.

“Yeah, well, it worked, didn't it?” Jay rolled his eyes at them.

“The hell is taking Spin so long?” Sean asked impatiently.

“I'll go get him.” Jay slid off the hood and headed back towards the school.

**~*~**

The first punch had taken Spinner off guard, catching his lower lip, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth.

He ducked the second one swung at him and shoved Hat Guy away from the fight, making him trip backwards over the steps.

Jay saw the crowd of people in front of the school and pushed his way through. He saw Spinner duck the second blow and shove one his attackers away from him, rage filling him.

The guy had cocked his fist back to hit Spinner again and Jay caught it, wrenching it back. “I don't think you want to do that.”

The kid's eyes had widened when they met Jay's icy blue ones. He mumbled some apology and Jay shoved him off after his friend who had already high tailed it as soon as he saw Jay coming.

Jay cradled Spinner's head between his hands. “Are you okay?” He brushed his thumb along the split in Spinner's lip.

“Fine. It's just a cut.” Spinner said, wincing slightly as his tongue slipped out the inspect the wound.

“Well, let's go. I'll get Towerz to deal with those fucks later.” Jay promised, lacing his fingers with Spinner's and leading him back to the Civic.

Spinner glanced down at their entwined hands and smiled as his ring caught the sunlight.

Who knew that a piece of jewelry could make him feel so loved?


	3. From This Moment

  
_From this moment, life has begun  
From this moment, you are the one  
Right beside you is where I belong  
From this moment on_  
“From This Moment” --Shania Twain and Bryan White

Spinner woke up to the blaring alarm clock and Jay's growl of annoyance. A moment later the alarm stopped. Jay had slammed his hand down on the top of the hapless object. He rolled over to face his boyfriend, no fiance, and smiled at him. 

“Why are you so happy this morning?” Jay asked without opening his eyes.

“'Cause you're my fiance now. Not just my boyfriend.” Spinner leaned forward and kissed him slowly and sweetly.

Jay rolled them both over so he was flat on his back, Spinner laying on top of him. They continued kissing teasingly, Jay sliding his hands up and down Spinner's sides.

Spinner gave him one last kiss, before pulling away and getting off the bed. “Come on, we've got to get ready for school or we'll be late.”

“Can't we just stay in bed and celebrate?” Jay smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

“No, you goof, let's go.” Spinner grinned, disappearing into their bathroom.

Jay sighed and heaved himself up off the bed, following Spinner into the shower. “We should at least take a shower together to save time.”

“Duh.” Spinner said, already in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, they were dressed and ready to go. Jay parked in his usual spot and turned off the car. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Spinner glanced up at him from his ring.

“Are you going to wear that all day on your finger?” Jay asked, a frown passing over his face briefly.

“Yeah, why wouldn't I? I'm not ashamed, if that's what you're thinking.” Spinner leaned over the console and kissed Jay lightly.

“No, I just don't want people giving you shit about it.” Jay said, looking worried.

“I can take care of myself, you know. It'll be fine, trust me.” Spinner unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the Civic, tugging his backpack after him.

Jay sighed and followed suit, hand clutching Spinner's as they headed up the steps to Degrassi.

It wasn't like they kept their relationship a secret. Far from it. Everyone knew that they were dating and had been for a while. No one had seen it coming, but most were fine with it, and those that weren't were swiftly dealt with.

Spinner was unloading the contents of his backpack into his locker when Marco came up beside him. “Finally unattached yourself from Jay?” He teased.

Spinner glanced over at him. “Shut up.”

Marco caught sight of the ring on Spinner's left hand. “Is that what I think it is?”

“What?” Spinner slammed his locker shut and faced his friend.

“On your hand. An engagement ring?” Marco gestured.

“Yeah. Jay gave it to me last night.” Spinner couldn't help the goofy smile that spread over his features.

“That's awesome! Congrats, man.” Marco hugged Spinner, clapping him on the back.

“Thanks. It was such a surprise too.” Spinner blushed lightly.

“Okay details in Science.” Marco smiled at his happy friend.

Spinner nodded, promising to fill his friend in later. The bell to first period rang and Spinner hurried to class.

~*~

Jay got there after Spinner did, Sean and Towerz following behind him. Spinner gave Jay a quick smile before returning to the conversation with Emma and Manny about the ring. Jay listened with half an ear as Sean took the seat on his left and Towerz sat behind him.

“That's so fantastic! When's the wedding going to be?” Manny asked, excitement clear in her eyes.

“He just proposed last night. We haven't even discussed that yet.” Spinner rolled his eyes. Girls, always so concerned with weddings and the like.

“Well, you can't just put it off. You don't want to be one of those couples that stay engaged for, like, years at a time.” Emma pointed out. 

“Yeah, well, later maybe we'll talk about it.” Spinner said as the teacher walked in.

The morning sped by fairly quickly, all of their friends offering their congratulations to Spinner and slapping Jay on the back and wishing them all the best.

They sat at their usual lunch table with Ellie, Sean, and Towerz when Paige and Alex walked over.

“So is it true, Spin?” Paige demanded, reaching out to grab his hand. She gasped at the sight of the ring.

“That's so amazing! Congratulations, hun!” Paige pulled him into a hug.

“So what did it take for him to say yes?” Alex asked mockingly to Jay.

“Let's just say it was one of the better moments in my life.” Jay smirked at her.

Even after they had broken up, Jay and Alex remained friends, bickering with each other every chance they got, but friends nonetheless.

Alex wrapped an arm around Paige's waist just as she asked Spinner what style of dress he was going to wear.  “Excuse me, I'm so not wearing a dress.” Spinner shook his head.

“Why not? I think you would look good in a dress.” Ellie snickered, earning a glare from Spinner and a kiss from Sean.

“No way.” Spinner pouted at Jay, silently asking him to change the subject. 

Instead Jay's eyes gleamed mischievously. “Come on, Spinster, don't you want to wear a long white gown and be my beautiful, blushing bride?”

The table broke out into wolf-whistles and laughter. Spinner blushed and settled for glaring at Jay. “Not even for you.”

~*~

The rest of the day went by quickly and Spinner was heading out to the parking lot when two guys stepped in front of him. “Can I help you?” Spinner arched an eyebrow.

“Yeah, we don't like fags around here.” The guy with the hat said, shoving Spinner slightly.

“Just who the hell are you two?” Spinner snapped at them.

“Just two guys that don't want your kind around.” The other guy said, shoving Spinner again, this time harder.

~*~  
Jay had been waiting by his car for Spinner, talking about the ring with Towerz and Sean, both had gone with him to buy it. 

“So you fight with him, then apologize by proposing?” Sean snorted.

“Real smooth there, man.” Towerz chuckled.

“Yeah, well, it worked, didn't it?” Jay rolled his eyes at them.

“The hell is taking Spin so long?” Sean asked impatiently.

“I'll go get him.” Jay slid off the hood and headed back towards the school.

~*~  
The first punch had taken Spinner off guard, catching his lower lip, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth.

He ducked the second one swung at him and shoved Hat Guy away from the fight, making him trip backwards over the steps. 

Jay saw the crowd of people in front of the school and pushed his way through. He saw Spinner duck the second blow and shove one his attackers away from him, rage filling him. 

The guy had cocked his fist back to hit Spinner again and Jay caught it, wrenching it back. “I don't think you want to do that.” 

The kid's eyes had widened when they met Jay's icy blue ones. He mumbled some apology and Jay shoved him off after his friend who had already high tailed it as soon as he saw Jay coming.

Jay cradled Spinner's head between his hands. “Are you okay?” He brushed his thumb along the split in Spinner's lip.

“Fine. It's just a cut.” Spinner said, wincing slightly as his tongue slipped out the inspect the wound.

“Well, let's go. I'll get Towerz to deal with those fucks later.” Jay promised, lacing his fingers with Spinner's and leading him back to the Civic.

Spinner glanced down at their entwined hands and smiled as his ring caught the sunlight.

Who knew that a piece of jewelry could make him feel so loved?


	4. To Say I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinner plans a wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three years later.

It had been three years since Jay had proposed and wedding preparations were under way. Jay had left Spinner to do most of the work, telling him, “Whatever you like, I like.”

Spinner had graduated around the same time, and they had saved their money and finally things were moving forward. No one had really thought they'd actually go and get married, but here they were, planning a wedding. The twenty one year old had never been so overwhelmed before. Who knew it was so hard?

Spinner felt like he was drowning in wedding invitations, cake decorations, venue choices, and flower arrangements. So, he called the only person he knew that was more than capable of holding his hand and getting him through this.

“Hey, Paige. You busy? I need your help.” He called her one Saturday morning when Jay had gone out to do something, Spin wasn't sure, he hadn't really been listening, concentrating on the wedding plans.

She squealed happily when he asked her for help and rushed right over. Now she sat beside him on the couch and they were making up a guest list.

“Okay, who is going to come?” She asked pen in hand, poised over the notebook she had.

“Jimmy, Marco, Craig, Sean, Towerz, Ellie, Ashley, Hazel, Dylan, Manny, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, Joey, Caitlin, Alex, you, Darcy, Peter, Jane, Save, Danny, Holly J, um, that's all I can think of right now.” Spinner shrugged.

“You sure you want Ashley, Craig and Manny there? That's asking for trouble.” Paige arched an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, well, I can't not invite them. They're friends. I was in a band with Craig, and he's dating Ashley, and Manny's always been pretty cool with me.” Spinner said.

“Okay. We'll work more on the guest list later.” Paige flipped the page in her notebook.

“What's next?” Spinner asked.

“We need to decide on a date.” Paige frowned at him.

“Okay, well, a Saturday is good. How about six months from now?” Spinner looked over at her as she flipped through a calender. 

“June 19th sound good to you?” Paige asked.

“Fine.” Spinner nodded, mind already moving onto the next topic.

Paige circled the date with a red marker and crossed 'Pick a Date' off her list.

“Next.” Spinner said with a sigh.

“We need to pick out your dress, Spin.” Paige said with a smirk.

“Didn't I tell you I wasn't wearing a dress?” Spinner mocked growled at her.

“Fine, ruin my fun. Here, pick out a tux that you like. It has to be white with a black tie.” Paige instructed, handing him a catalog called 'Chloe's Wedding Outfitter's'.

“Why white with a black tie?” Spinner asked as he flipped through the pages.

“Because, hun, Jay's is going to be black with a white tie. It'll look great.” Paige said, smiling at him.

They continued planning out everything until Jay got home and arched an eyebrow at the mess of papers on the coffee table.

“Glad I let you handle this.” He told Spinner as he gave him a kiss.

“Alright, I've got to go, hun, but I'll see you tomorrow. Both of you.” She glared playfully at Jay.

“Yeah, don't think you can get out of planning your own wedding.” Spinner snickered.

They told Paige goodbye and she left, hurrying to get back home to Alex who had been kept waiting long enough.

“Well, how's it going?” Jay asked.

“We've got a guest list somewhat finished, a place to get the outfits from, and a date set.” Spinner nodded.

“Cool.” Jay kissed him again.

Who knew a wedding was so much work anyway? This was going to take awhile to get everything done, Spinner could already tell, but he was really looking forward to the moment he said “I do.” and became Jay's officially.


	5. Can't Get My Love Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay is an idiot and Spinner has to fix everything.

**Earlier That Day At The Dot**

“So we'll talk to the florists tomorrow, right?” Paige glanced up at Spinner from all her paperwork and notes.

“Yeah, totally.” Spinner nodded, wiping down the counters.

Holly J cleared her throat, “Can I talk to Spin....alone?” 

Paige looked at Spinner, who nodded. She gathered her things and kissed him on the cheek, making him promise to meet her early tomorrow so they could get a head start on everything they had planned.

She shut the door behind her and sighed, breathing in the cool night air.

“Hey Paige, you and Spin get anything done or did you just sit around gossiping?” Jay asked, chuckling.

Inside, Spinner turned to face Holly J, a question forming on his lips as she pushed him against the counter suddenly and kissed him hard.

He was so startled that it took him a few seconds to push her away. “What the hell is that?”

“Just didn't want to have never done that.” She smirked at him and went back to cleaning the tables while Spinner stared after her, his fingers brushing his lips.

Outside, Jay's hand rested on the door knob, eyes burning with anger and pain. He couldn't believe Spinner would do something like this to him! And to think, he wanted to marry him. Well, he was in for a big surprise when he got home.

Jay turned and walked away, heading for his car and home.

**Present**

“So how long has this secret affair been going on?” Jay's voice was cold. He wasn't yelling yet, but Spinner knew it wouldn't be long before he did.

“There is no secret affair! What are you talking about?” Spinner asked, tears stinging his eyes, throat and nose.

“You and Holly J. I saw you two at the Dot tonight! You were all over each other.” Jay's voice had risen in volume.

“She kissed me! I was sitting there with Paige when Holly J asked if she could talk to me in private, so Paige left and then Holly J just kissed me. I didn't start it, nor did I kiss back! I pushed her away.” Spinner let the tears fall, leaving hot tracks down his cheeks.

“You can't even admit it! That's such bullshit! I've seen the way you look at her! I bet you were waiting for something like this to happen, weren't you?” Jay snarled.

Spinner didn't answer him, wiping his tears away slowly, feeling the weight of Jay's anger crushing down on him. He wondered where it came from, he was so against believing him.

“Answer me!” Jay shouted, making Spinner flinch back into the couch cushions. 

“Jay, I love you and only you. What happened with Holly J was none of my doing, and I've never wanted anyone other than you since we first got together. Why it's so hard for you to understand, I don't know. I love you, but now this argument begs the question. Do you love me?” Spinner asked quietly, looking up at the pacing Jay.

“How can I love a liar and cheater?” Jay snapped, blue eyes cold and hard.

Spinner lowered his head and swallowed hard. “Maybe we shouldn't get married then.”

As the words left his mouth he could feel them tear his heart apart. He wanted to take them back as soon as he said them, but there they were, hanging in the air before them. Whatever Jay said next would either make or break them, and Spinner was afraid that it would break them into pieces.

“You're right. I don't even know why I wanted to marry you in the first place.” Jay said, the cold look on his face masking the hurt inside.

It hurt him so much to say those words to Spinner. It hurt even more to see the look of pure agony on Spinner's face, but he couldn't be with someone who cheated on him and then lied about it. No way. But still a thought remained in the back of his mind, worrying at him. What if Spinner was telling the truth and he was throwing all this away for nothing? But no. He had to stay strong in his choice.

“If that's what you want.” Spinner said, all the fight going out of him. He stood up and slipped off the engagement ring Jay had given him. It seemed a lifetime ago when things were happy and his world wasn't crashing down around him. He placed it on the coffee table and headed for the door. 

He hesitated for a moment, hand resting on the knob. “I'll always love you, no matter what.”

And then he was gone, leaving Jay standing in the middle of the room, looking shocked and heartbroken.

~*~

Marco answered the door, looking bleary eyed and wearing Dylan's shirt. “Spinner, why are you here?”

“Jay just broke up with me.” Spinner barely managed to not choke on the words.

“What?! Come in, come in and tell me what's going on.” Marco ushered him in and sat him on the couch.

“Marco, who is it?” Dylan asked, walking out of the bedroom with only his boxers on.

“Spinner. Seems that Jay dumped him.” Marco wrapped a blanket around the shivering Spinner.

“What, why?” Dylan disappeared briefly into their bedroom, coming back out wearing sweat pants.

“I don't know, he just got here.” Marco said, walking into the kitchen while Dylan sat on the couch next to Spinner.

“What happened?” Dylan asked softly.

“I was closing up the Dot and Paige was there because we were going over wedding details and Holly J was cleaning the tables and then she asks Paige to leave and she does. Then when Paige is gone, Holly J kisses me, and I guess Jay saw it. But I didn't kiss her back and I pushed her away! Jay thinks I've been cheating on him! I haven't. I love him, but he doesn't love me and now we're not getting married.” Spinner was crying by the end of his tale.

Marco came back from the kitchen and handed him a mug of coffee and passed one to Dylan too. “That's stupid. So he didn't even let you explain?”

“He did, but he doesn't believe me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him.” Spinner scrubbed his face with his hands, then took a sip of the coffee.

“Well, what if this is his way of saying he's not ready to get married? What if he just picked this whole fight with you to tell you he didn't want to get married so quickly after all.” Dylan suggested.

“But why? He could have just told Spinner he didn't want to get married yet, instead of breaking up with him.” Marco said.

“Maybe he never wanted wanted to get married and just gave me the ring as an apology? He did that, you know. We had a fight about...something, I can't remember, and then to apologize, he proposed to me.” Spinner sighed.

“That's not true. Jay loves you, you know that.” Marco rested a comforting hand on Spinner's arm.

“Maybe. Now I'm not so sure.” Spinner sat the cup down on the end table.

“So why did Holly J kiss you?” Dylan asked.

“No idea, but I think she's always kind of liked me.” Spinner shrugged.

“You want to stay here?” Marco asked.

“Yeah, if it's okay with you two.” Spinner said, glancing at both of them.

“Yeah it's fine. You can sleep in the guest room.” Dylan gave him a small smile. 

“Thanks.” Spinner said, a weak smile on his lips.

~*~

Jay paced around the apartment, wishing he could take back everything thing he'd said to Spinner that night. He hadn't meant any of it. He knew in his heart of hearts that Spin would never cheat on him, but when he saw Holly J kissing him, he'd snapped. His jealousy had taken control and his pride forced him to accuse Spinner of everything he hadn't done.

He sank onto the bed and sighed. He kicked off his shoes and jeans, curling up on his side of the bed, missing the feel of Spinner in his arms.

A lone tear slipped down his cheek and Jay closed his eyes and breathed in Spinner's scent from the sheets around him. He had to make this right. Somehow. He'd do anything to have Spinner back. Now that he realized what an idiot he'd been, he regretted it. 

He hoped he hadn't pushed Spinner away for good. He didn't know how he was supposed to live without him. That thought was simply inconceivable.

~*~

Spinner lay in the unfamiliar bed, wishing he was back in Jay's arms. What he wouldn't give to be there now. Tears began falling from his eyes again and he rolled over, burying his face into the pillow.

He sobbed quietly, trying not to wake Marco and Dylan. He was thankful to them, really he was, but he needed Jay. He loved him and always would, no matter what Jay said or did.

Then a sickening thought hit him. What if Jay didn't love him and, instead of just breaking up with him, he picked the fight and just broke up with him for that? Was that why he refused to believe him when he said he hadn't cheated on him?

Spinner turned onto his back and raised his hands above his face. He stared at the place where his ring had been not two hours ago, back when everything was fine. Back when he still had Jay. God, that seemed a lifetime ago. So much had happened that he was left reeling in the aftermath, wondering where he went wrong and if he could fix anything between them.

He sighed and tried to fall asleep, though he knew he would never be able to without Jay's arms around him. It had been years since he'd slept in a different bed as his lover. It was not a comfortable experience and it only made him even more lonely.

Another sigh and he resigned himself to staying up the rest of the night, staring blankly at the ceiling. If he was lucky he would pass out soon.

~*~

“Can you believe Jay?” Marco asked Dylan as they lay in bed together.

“ I know. It seems stupid to break up with someone over a kiss that wasn't even his fault.” Dylan murmured.

“Jay is a jerk. I can't believe he'd do that to Spinner. I thought he loved him!” Marco was pissed at Jay, to say the least.

“Poor Spin.” Dylan said, burying his face in Marco's hair and trying to imagine breaking up with him.  
He couldn't. The thought was unimaginable to him because he never wanted to be apart from him.

“I just wish I could help Spin more.” Marco sighed.

“This is the best we can do, sweetie. Give him a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.” Dylan kissed his cheek softly.

“You're right, but I still want to strangle Jay.” Marco glared at the wall.

“This is something they have to work out on their own.” Dylan said, curling an arm around his waist.

“I know. I love you.” Marco turned over to face Dylan and gave him a kiss.

“I love you too. Let's get some sleep.” Dylan returned the kiss and settled in for the night, Marco following suit.

~*~

Spinner jerked awake the next morning. His cell phone was playing “Lover Man” by Metallica. It was Jay's ring tone. He debated not answering it, but the song continued and he sighed. “Hello?”

“I'm sorry.” was the first thing Jay said.

“What? Jay?” Spinner asked, not fully awake yet.

“I'm sorry. I love you. Please come home.” Jay said, voice cracking.

“Are you drunk?” Spinner said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and sitting up.

“No, please come back. I miss you.” Jay pleaded. 

“Wait, you think if you say you're sorry that I'll come running back to you and forgive you?” Spinner snapped, anger clear in his words.

“I had hoped that would be the case. Spinner, look, I made a mistake. I was stupid and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me. I'm sorry I said I didn't want you. I'm sorry I said we shouldn't get married. That's all I can say. I love you. I want you back here with me. What else can I say?” Jay asked calmly.

“I love you. I miss you too. You're forgiven and I'm sorry I let her kiss me. I'll be home soon.” Spinner smiled.

“Good, I'm glad.” Jay grinned on his end of the line.

They said their goodbyes and hung up. Spinner stood up and stretched, tugging on his jeans from last night. He walked out of his room into the kitchen where Marco was cooking breakfast and Dylan was reading the paper at the table.

“Hungry, Spin?” Marco asked, cracking some eggs into a bowel.

“No thanks. Jay called me and we're okay now, so thanks for everything, guys, but it's time for me to go home.” Spinner hugged Marco and shook hands with Dylan.

“Okay, be careful, Spin and if you need us, you know where we are.” Marco walked him to the door.

“Hope everything works out for you guys. I'm looking forward to that wedding.” Dylan smirked and waved.

~*~

When Spinner opened the door to the apartment, the first thing he got was an armful of Jay kissing him frantically. It was desperate and intense and it left Spinner panting when Jay pulled away.

“Hi.” He smirked at Spinner's flushed face.

“Hi yourself.” Spinner smiled at him.

Jay slipped out of his arms to pick something up from the coffee table. “I believe this belongs to you.” He slid Spinner's ring back on his finger, kissing it as he did.

“Can we not fight again? That'd be great.” Spinner joked.

“I wish. But until now, let's get to the make up sex part.” Jay said, tugging Spinner into the bed room.

Spinner followed, giggling and kicking off his shoes as he went, shutting the door behind them.

~*~

Sometimes it's all about forgiveness and love. The world needs more of that anyway. So forgive, but never forget. Say the words and mean them. If you don't, then they're not worth listening to.


	6. White Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wedding bells are ringing and love is in the air.

The wedding was going to go off without a hitch or someone would be forced to feel the wrath of Paige and no one wanted that. 

It was taking place in a small chapel that was simply breathtaking. It had high, stained glass windows and it was just beautiful. Paige had everything decorated in pale blues and lavenders to go with the dresses of the flower girls and grooms-maids. Spinner had refused to call them bridesmaids. Paige was still his Maid Of Honor though. She had insisted upon that and he had relented.

Paige's cousins, Amy and Marie, were the flower girls. They wore pale blue silk dresses and threw rose petals out onto the carpet that led to the alter where Jay was waiting with Sean as his best man.

The groomsmen followed with the grooms-maids. Jimmy was paired with Hazel and they made their way down the carpet. Marco followed with Ellie, Towerz with Alex, Craig with Ashley, and Peter with Darcy.

The grooms-maids wore pale lavender dresses with silver high heels and the groomsmen wore simple black suits. They took their places at the altar steps and everyone turned expectantly toward the doorway from where Spinner and Paige would appear. 

The piano player started up with “Here Comes The Bride” and Jay grinned. He was genuinely happy with Spinner and couldn't wait to make him his forever and for always.

The door opened and Spinner and Paige progressed down the aisle. Spinner was in his white suit and black tie and Paige was wearing her pale lavender dress. Both were smiling and walking in time to the music.

Once they reached the alter, the priest smiled at both of them. He was young with green eyes and brown hair. He told them to join hands. “Did you have your own vows written?”

“Yes.” Spinner answered.

“Please recite them to each other.” The priest said, still smiling.

Jay went first, pulling a piece of paper out of his back pocket. Paige made a choking noise as he did, clearly not happy that he hadn't memorized it, and he shot her a smirk. 

“Spinner, you know that I love you and have for a long time. You've seen me at my worst and still stuck by my side, even if sometimes I really didn't deserve it. You're amazing, funny, smart, beautiful. Someone once asked me what it would be like if we broke up. I told them it would be like not having air to breathe, you're a vital part of my life. I know I couldn't live without you and I hope I never have too. I love you.” Jay put the paper away and met Spinner's eyes. Tears filled Spinner's and he mouthed “I love you.” as the priest turned to him to recite his vows.

“We've had our up and our downs and we've been through just about everything a couple can go through and we've always come out on the other side stronger than before, our love more confidant and powerful. You've been my rock, my shelter, my lover, my everything for so long, I couldn't imagine life without you. It would be like missing an arm or leg. You've become so attached to me that I never want to be apart. I love you now and forever.”

“Now the rings.” Even the priest had tears in his eyes as did most of the audience.

Sean passed Jay a ring and Spinner one too.

Jay slipped the gold band onto Spinner's left ring finger, placing it right above his engagement band. Spinner did the same and the priest said, “You may now kiss and make this union complete.”

They leaned towards one another and, as their lips brushed for the first time that day, cheers erupted all around them.

~*~

They were in the reception hall and everyone was having a fantastic time. Craig, Marco, Jimmy, and Ellie provided the music as Jay tugged Spinner out onto the dance floor. “So, I'd say that went pretty well.” 

Spinner giggled, resting his head on Jay's shoulder. “Yeah. Paige really outdid herself.”

After the first few dances, it was time to cut the cake and Jay and Spinner fed each other the first slices followed by twining their arms around each other and drinking a flute of champagne.

Sean stood up to give his Best Man speech. He looked at Spinner and Jay, smirking. “All I have to say is may all your ups and downs be in between the sheets.” He winked and sat back down as everyone else broke into laughter.

Spinner and Jay shared a smile. 

Everything was perfect.


	7. You Are Heaven's Gift To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newlyweds get some time alone after the wedding.

Once they had escaped the wedding party and got back home, Jay sighed and turned to look at Spinner, who was tugging off his tie. “Ready for the honeymoon tomorrow?” 

Spinner glanced over at him. “Yeah. You still haven't told me where we're going yet.”

“That's because it's a surprise, but don't worry. You'll love it.” Jay pulled Spinner's shirttails out of his pants and set about unbuttoning his white dress shirt. 

The material fell away from his shoulders to be replaced with Jay's hands and mouth as Spinner undid Jay's tie and tried to take his shirt off, but Jay just pushed his hands away and continued kissing and nibbling at his neck.

Spinner moaned and tilted his head back, allowing Jay more access. Jay backed him up to the bed and gently pushed him down on it, straddling his hips.

They took it slow that night, wanting to savor every touch, every kiss, every caress the other felt. It was romantic and loving. 

After they both reached completion, Spinner laid his head against Jay's chest. The beat of his heart lulled him to sleep and his final conscious thought was that it was the only lullaby he'd ever need.


End file.
